G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra

Unless you’ve been living under a rock this summer, you know about the G.I. Joe movie. Between the massive marketing campaign and the nostalgia held by anyone under the age of 40, it was bound to evoke reaction from people.

Given Hollywood’s spotty history with remakes, plus the noticeable changes to the franchise that are evident in the trailer, it’s easy to assume the worst.

As someone whose toybox was dominated by G.I. Joes (more than thirty of them by my count), I can identify with those who were upset to see the standard camouflage replaced with some sort of robotic suit that seems to put its wearers into the matrix, where the laws of physics don’t apply.

“G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra” is not an action movie, it is THE action movie. From “Star Wars” through “Spiderman,” the influence of every action movie that came before it is evident in every scene.

The dogfights may feature submarines instead of X-Wings, a robotic suit takes the place of a radioactive spider, but the action is very much the same.

The ensemble cast is made up of very talented actors from across the spectrum, from Channing Tatum and Marlon Wayans to Dennis Quaid and Sienna Miller. While they are all talented actors, there are written with hardly more depth than their plastic counterparts.

Tatum is the gung-ho Soldier who is always ready for the next fight. Wayans is his wise-cracking partner with a heart of gold. Dennis Quaid is the grizzled yet vulnerable leader and Miller plays both the scorned lover and the villainess.

The movie piles action cliché on top of action cliché, but it does so in a way that seems more of a tribute than just lazy writing. There is every sort of conflict you can imagine. Childhood rivalries, old lovers’ quarrels and past family drama all come into play through a series of flashbacks.

It’s a very efficient way to inject drama into each battle, but it does so without letting plot get in the way of explosions.

The movie takes place in a world where the laws of physics don’t always apply, a karate fight could break out at any minute and every vehicle has at least a half-dozen missiles attached to it, just in case.

There are very few breaks in the action, another car chases, gun battle or highly choreographed fight is always right around the corner.

While all this is going on, enough plot points are planted for a long run for the franchise, the final scene indicates that a sequel is probably already in pre-production.

A particular highlight of the film is the battles between Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow. Snake Eyes never talks and Storm Shadow probably spends much of his paycheck on throwing stars.
Both martial artists (one always in black, one always in white), they have a personal history going back to their childhood. Their battles are the highlight of the film, even if you can see it coming from a mile away.

In fact, most of the plot can be plotted within the first ten minutes, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing. The money that could have gone to an overcomplicated plot line instead went to some absolutely breathtaking scenes.

G.I. Joe purists who still remember getting their first Snake Eyes action figure might not be on board with the movie and its various liberties with the established characters, but if you’re looking to turn off your brain and watch explosions for two hours, there aren’t many movies better suited for that.

Rating - $8.00

The Day the Earth Stood Still

If you think Al Gore’s “An Inconvenient Truth” showed the danger of polluting the planet, you haven’t seen anything yet.

“The Day the Earth Stood Still,” the big-budget remake of the 1951 sci-fi classic, replaces the fear of nuclear apocalypse with the consequences of our effect on the environment.

The cheesy charm of the old version has been replaces with the typical nuances of a blockbuster: computer animation and product placements aplenty. Appropriately enough, the fate of humanity is decided under the golden arches.

The iconic Klaatu is played by (gulp) Keanu Reeves, who actually seems to be at home playing a creature that isn’t quite sure how to be human.

Jennifer Connelly plays Dr. Helen Benson, who for some reason is more qualified than anyone to deal with the incoming aliens. Perpetually glassy-eyed, she always looks on the edge of breaking down completely.

Jaden Smith, son of actor Will Smith, plays Connelly’s stepson, and the two are still dealing with the loss of Smith’s father. The trio of Reeves, Connelly and Smith form a Terminator-Sarah Connor-John Connor kind of relationship, where destruction and salvation walk hand in hand.

The first hour of the movie is a masterful exercise in building suspense. The viewer is a character in the movie, as we follow Connelly from a late night trip into a government headquarters, where we learn about an imminent threat to the earth.

The special effects are very well done. When a mysterious orb appears in Central Park, the audience is standing right next to the confused New Yorkers witnessing something that humankind has never experienced.

The supporting cast is star-studded, included Kathy Bates as the Secretary of Defense and John Cleese as an eccentric astrophysicist. While the movie is essentially a three-person show, the other actors hold up their part nicely.

The movie’s failing is that is digs itself too deep in the suspense, and doesn’t know quite how to get itself out. When it hits its peak after the first hour, it doesn’t know where to go, so it tries to back out with computer-generated effects.

The movie is almost worth seeing in the theater, because a large screen and digital sound heighten the atmosphere at the beginning of the film. But whether or not $10 is worth an hour or so of good special effects is up to you.

Rating - $6.00